I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
