Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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