I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
