i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
