HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
