I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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