woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
