worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
