Are we in a gay sports bar?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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