Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
