SEEEEXXX PLEASE
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize