The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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