Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
