So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
