DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
