no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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