Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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