wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
