I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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