sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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