Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
