It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
farters have to be the big spoon...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
