Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
