After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize