I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
