my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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