my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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