I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
