Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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