I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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