cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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