think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
