I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You pole danced in your parka.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
