We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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