I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
