My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
