God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
