You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
