could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
