I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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