you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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