Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
please don't ironically join a cult
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