He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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