I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
