I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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