cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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