mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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