...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
