i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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