Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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