My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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