that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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