Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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