Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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