he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
