The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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