You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
