hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
