sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to