Texts From Last Night

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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  If that was your dad, he is hot

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  (843): If that was your dad, he is hot http://tfl.nu/drkt
  Replies (8) Good night (1172) Bad night (673)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Eric got herpes from Jo-ann

  (914): View more from New York

  That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian

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  (917): Eric got herpes from Jo-ann (914): That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian http://tfl.nu/xico
  Replies (48) Good night (864) Bad night (2853)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she

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  (301): she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying (203): but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she http://tfl.nu/l9o1
  Replies (34) Good night (4739) Bad night (1042)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.

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  (703): just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress. http://tfl.nu/rj37
  Replies (7) Good night (2303) Bad night (4044)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.

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  (810): people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart. http://tfl.nu/4ahf
  Replies (14) Good night (3650) Bad night (871)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.

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  (727): My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out. http://tfl.nu/gjqc
  Replies (5) Good night (8448) Bad night (989)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener

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  (647): she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener http://tfl.nu/wmbx
  Replies (22) Good night (4150) Bad night (2051)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.

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  (+44): Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips. http://tfl.nu/4kys
  Replies (1) Good night (2372) Bad night (874)
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  (949): View more from California

  In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.

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  (949): In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor. http://tfl.nu/vpx7
  Replies (33) Good night (6523) Bad night (2326)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.

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  (519): I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore. http://tfl.nu/9p2a
  Replies (4) Good night (1423) Bad night (943)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me

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  (309): the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me http://tfl.nu/lgos
  Replies (7) Good night (709) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.

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  (204): Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small. http://tfl.nu/6zla
  Replies (3) Good night (1012) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?

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  (519): Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is? http://tfl.nu/qsbg
  Replies (1) Good night (470) Bad night (704)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...

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  (615): Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers... http://tfl.nu/ugq8
  Replies (5) Good night (772) Bad night (439)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...

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  (603): I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff... http://tfl.nu/2u8y
  Replies (2) Good night (328) Bad night (525)

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