I think scott just propositioned me for sex
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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