I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?