At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to