is your mom at the bar?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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