Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?