I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club