Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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