evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
