Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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