I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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