Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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