in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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