is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
