He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
