Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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