Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
