my phone needs a breathalizer
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
COCAINE IS GR8
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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