the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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